What Reason Then?

And also, WHY?

Yes, I am a believer of “things happen for a reason.” Well, mostly.

For some people it’s clear when doors open (or close) and the reasons why. But for me…

DOORS SLAM, all the dang time. I don’t even have to look at the door, I could turn my head in the general direction and doors, not even my doors, just doors, start closing. Are they going to board up the windows next? I feel like I have to kick the door down just to get one to open for me. On my CV I should be able to list SWAT skills for how many times I’ve had to bust through them. Windows too. I gotta get through somehow.

I mean yeah, I’m impulsive and it seems like I haven’t carefully thought anything through but I’m actually like Death Note’s Light Yagami being steps ahead when I make a plan. Seriously, if anxiety (paranoia) has taught me anything it’s to quickly ascertain every possible scenario and even go beyond that because if I’m going to do something, then I’m going to DO SOMETHING. And I better not regret it.

Oh, back it up a bit. I think I’m actually Light Yagami AND L both battling it out inside my head when I’m making bad decisions. So I do see all sides.

Ok, so what then? Of course I don’t know what’s best for me, but I’ve dealt with my decisions so why not just give me what I want?

“Give me what I want and I’ll go away.”

Have you seen that movie? Storm of the Century. I’m sure I could get that scary. I can definitely get that annoying. The point is, if I’m willing to put that much effort into a decision, don’t I at least deserve a clear reason why I can’t have it? Or like let me know when a door is unlocked? Because the doors never seem to be open, I have to go over and check.

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