On A Paved Street

What seemed like hundreds of years on a gravel road with deep holes and sharp branches and garbage that might have broken glass hidden inside (and you’re either walking along wearing cheaply made foam flip flop shoes or driving with bad tires), the road is now smooth.

Anxiety is so strange, but not in a cool way. I know it affects everyone differently, but this is me, I want to talk about ME! This type of anxiety is sort of a new thing I went through.

Anyway, growing up anxiety and depression and other stressful things didn’t exist. What I mean is in my blood related relatives (I only call certain ones family) that stuff was ignored because it would embarrass them and what they cared about most (definitely not us kids) was looking good to the public.

Well guess what relatives. I’m writing this and it’s public and though I don’t tell anyone about this, it is here for anyone to read should they accidentally find it!

So it seems like most of my age group is fucked up in some way. We couldn’t get help if we wanted. Because someone would find out and that news would get back to the relatives and WHAT A DISGRACE you would be if you weren’t already labeled that.

Sad? You just want attention. Depressed? You’re just lazy. Anxiety? Settle the fuck down, you know better than to act that way.

Well after all these miserable years of being around that toxic waste, I realized that I could just say forget this and live life better. I’m no longer involved with those people and have no regrets about it. Why did it take so long to climb out of that toxic dump? Because that’s what happens when you’ve been told since you were born probably that nothing is wrong with you and basically shut the hell up because people will look down on you for having any kind of problems. We were supposed to be perfect in the public eye.

But those relatives made life so not perfect. And I can hear their voices saying I’m too old to be whining about it now. Too bad you unhappy old bags think that way. Life is much better when we’re not like you.

Thankfully I have a great therapist now. I understand why I do or don’t do things and am working on changing for the better. Did I mention I’m much happier? Knowing that yes, problems do exist and it’s ok to get help and if someone wants to look down on you for needing help then seriously cut them out of your life because you deserve better and don’t let their unhappiness and stupidity drag you down.

At this point it was anxiety. Growing up I might’ve had depression. Reading about it, I probably did. How did I get through it back then? Maybe I didn’t. That could be affecting me now.

Besides paying, finding a good counselor is probably the second barrier of getting help. I know others who won’t even try because they worry about not getting one that works best for their situation and end up wasting time and money. I totally understand that. But, if you are able or know someone else who is able, and are in need of some kind of help, please convince them to get it. That rough road isn’t good for your shoes or your car. Step in one of those deep potholes and twist an ankle. Maybe even lose your shoe. And then how are you going to get past that garbage glass?

Trust me, once you or whoever you care about has cleared the road, it’s so much easier to just enjoy life and focus on more important things.

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