Migraines

Such pleasant pain.

Never thought I’d welcome a bad headache but here I am giving it my home address. And a colorful detailed map. And gps coordinates like in that show Breaking Bad. And I’m sitting by the phone in case it gets lost and needs to call and have me go find it. But it is better than anxiety. Remember when I said I was on a good track and things were surfacing and maybe healing? They surfaced all right. Like a tiny bottle rocket that exploded into a Disney World fireworks display.

Somehow the migraines overwrite the anxiety and I’m able to function normally. Sounds dumb but it works. Anxiety is different for everyone I know but for me this time it’s making me paranoid, like I can’t sit still, and it makes me cry because I’m so frustrated with it. Migraines hurt and are really annoying with their stupid effects like dizziness, and light sensitivity, and your brain feeling heavy but I’m ok with that even though I’m not ok with it. I can handle it, I’m used to it, I can get through it.

And as much pain as migraines cause, they don’t make me want to jump off a 60 story building like anxiety does. That thought has crossed my mind some days when I can’t stay in one place and have to keep moving because the anxiety is making my nerves go insane and I can’t relax.

Imagine being so tired but unable to sleep and then you get wrinkles! The. Horror.

Thankfully I got to see a therapist and learned that I just have situational anxiety and it will eventually go away. So for now let’s all pray for migraines because at least with migraines I’m able to sleep well and don’t think about jumping off skyscraper buildings.

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